ADHDifference

S2E37: Navigating Life Forward with ADHD + guest Leah Carroll

• Julie Legg • Season 2 • Episode 37

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0:00 | 52:17

Julie Legg chats with ADHD coach and advocate Leah Carroll, whose own diagnosis at 28 catalyzed a deep journey of self-understanding and transformation. Leah shares how her early attempts to "fix" her ADHD through medication alone fell short and how travel, radical honesty, and coaching led her to discover the personalized systems that now support her neurodivergent brain.

Leah unpacks the behind-the-scenes reality of living with ADHD from executive dysfunction to emotional dysregulation and offers powerful strategies to shift from shame to self-trust. Whether it's in the workplace, relationships, or day-to-day life, this conversation is full of relatable truths and practical tools for anyone navigating ADHD.

Key Points from the Episode:

  • How Leah’s ADHD diagnosis at 28 was just the beginning, not the solution
  • Why medication alone wasn’t enough and what she needed instead
  • The emotional toll of shame, blame, and victimhood in undiagnosed ADHD
  • What long-term travel taught her about adaptability and executive dysfunction
  • The hidden labour behind ‘looking functional’ as an ADHDer
  • How executive function challenges overlap to create chaos and paralysis
  • The complex toll ADHD takes on relationships and how to build better communication
  • The workplace mismatch: thriving in crisis but overwhelmed by admin
  • Strategies for minimizing friction and maximizing clarity at work
  • Why emotional regulation is about safety, not just willpower
  • Building self-trust through small, consistent wins
  • The underestimated power of foundational habits: sleep, food, movement, light, and hydration
  • The magic of a “dopamine menu” and tiny strategies that re-regulate the nervous system

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ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

LEAH: I promise you, no worries. It does not matter how deep the hole is, there is a ladder long enough, you can get out. I think it kind of goes back to that automatic car versus the manual car. The manual car does not need to be fixed. It is not broken. You just got to figure out how to engage, what needs to be engaged for your specific brain. And when you can do that with the tiniest smallest little like... your brain will be like, that doesn't count. That's too small. That's how you know you're on the right track. So minute action is going to be quantum leaps damn near every single time.

JULIE: Welcome to Season 2 of ADHDifference. I'm your host, Julie Legg, ADHD advocate, author of The Missing Piece (a woman's guide to understanding, diagnosing, and living with ADHD), and an unapologetic doer of many things. This season, we're turning up the volume with a global lineup of brilliant guests, bringing their lived experiences, insights, research, strategies, and resources. And of course, along with a healthy dose of humour and humility. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or just curious, there's something here for every curious brain. Let's dive in. Today, I'm joined by Leah Carroll, an ADHD coach who has ADHD herself and is passionate about providing the support so many of us never received after diagnosis beyond prescriptions, willpower, and the advice just to try harder. Leah helps ADHDers build personalized toolboxes so calm connectivity becomes more normal even when life is still messy and imperfect. Originally from Kentucky and now living in southern Germany, Leah brings humour, self-awareness, and radical honesty to everything she does. Leah, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me, Julie. I'm so excited to chat with you. Look, you're very open about having ADHD yourself and about how unsupported so many of us feel after diagnosis. So, could you take us back to your own journey with ADHD and what made you realize that medication, motivation, and willpower alone weren't going to cut it for you? 

LEAH: Yes, definitely. I can I can go back. That was a while ago now. I was diagnosed at 28. I'm now 41. So, I've had some time to kind of wrap my head around it. But what's interesting about my journey, and I have no doubt that a lot of people have experienced this, I was diagnosed in 28. I mean, it's later in life, right? But it's definitely not, you know, old. At the time, I'm sure I felt like it was old, but looking back, I'm like, "Oh my gosh, you were a babe." So I think at the time I was living in Nashville. I had just gotten a new job. I was working from home. And this would have been back early well probably like mid 2000sish, right? So it was a work from home, fully remote job, which that wasn't really a thing at that time, but of course I was like, "Oh my gosh, so much freedom and I can do all the things and this is going to be perfect." And then spoiler, it was not. I mean, it was, but I was, you know, very busy having lunches and coffees and meeting friends and not actually doing the work. And I'd always known that I was probably neurodivergent, specifically ADHD. I think I did a test when I was younger and they were like, "Yeah, she's borderline, but she'll be fine. She's just a bit of a daydreamer and she talks a lot." You know, that kind of thing. So, my parents never really followed up on that. And yeah, so I thought, you know what, something's got to give. I'm working from home. I am flailing to say the least, and I'm going to get fired. And so, that's what's going to happen. So, I went I got my diagnosis and I was very much of the mind that just give me meds, it'll be fine. Just give me some pills and that will, you know, make me a bit limitless and I'll be able to do all the things that I've not been able to do and it will be, you know, completely the silver bullet, if you will. So, I got on meds and then quickly realized I did not like meds, or meds did not like me. I'm not sure. I'm not sure which one. Now, to be fair, in hindsight, now that I've done quite a bit more research and I've worked with a lot of people that are medicated and unmedicated and things have changed in the last, you know, however many years that was, that's been. I think I was probably just really inconsistent with my meds. And I'm not quite sure I gave them the proper time to titrate. I think I was very ADHD with my meds. Tried it for a while and was like, "This is terrible. I hate them. It's never going to work. I'm giving up." Which is fine. You know, it is what it is. It's all these years later and I'm still unmedicated, different reasons these days, but still unmedicated. So, that's been fine. But, I think after that, I know after that, I just kind of dove into this like me, I tried. It is what it is. I have ADHD and you can take me or leave me basically was kind of how I showed up. So I almost and it's like so you know, you have to look back with compassion but it's very like, to be like not my problem when obviously it was very much my problem. But at the time I just did not have the emotional intelligence, the emotional maturity, emotional regulation to take accountability for it. And so it was very much you know, you're late everywhere, but there's always a really good excuse. Excuse like, you know, not that I dillydallied after the shower and, you know, stared at the wall for 15 minutes trying to transition and regulate. It was there was so much traffic, you guys wouldn't even believe it. You know, it was that kind of thing. Always kind of making up excuses that may have been the truth and may have been a bit of a stretch. And yeah, so I kind of went through life that way for a while of thinking that ADHD was almost more of a personality trait than a neurological disorder. So, I really did not take it seriously. I ended up basically getting fired from said job, which was fine. Again, it led to some other things. But of course, like I said, there's a lot of shame and a lot of guilt and a lot of, you know, being the victim. This is not my fault. How can I, you know, spin this to where it's somebody else's fault? My employers were terrible, you know, whatever it was. So, and even then it was just kind of like there's I've tried meds. There's nothing else I can do about it. It's kind of out of my hands. And that is what I hear a lot from my clients. It is this. By the time they get to me, it's very much this like, now what? What do I do? I didn't, I don't think I can change. I don't think I can do the, put in the work that it takes to change because I am who I am. And there is a truth to that definitely. That's what makes us all unique and authentic and individualistic and all of that stuff. But the more that we dive into neuroplasticity and really coming to accept ourselves, it's kind of like, you know, you and I were having a brief chat before the call, of 4:00 a.m. is your time. And society, I even said, "Julie, that's the middle of the night, my love." That and you're like, "Yeah, so I'm not telling you that you have to do it. That's what works for me." And so you can get this beautiful, get to this beautiful place of self-awareness. 4:00 a.m. is my time. I think I need to lean into that instead of fighting it. Acceptance. Yeah, I'm going to do it. We're just going to see how this goes. So, some experimentation versus, you know, I have to get up at 4:00 a.m. Just going to see. Just going to play with it. Playing with some radical honesty, which again I did not get to until later in life of how am I responsible for my own suffering. What a terrible question, but it's so beautiful if you can sit with kind of the discomfort in that you can get to some really beautiful places. And then you know, another thing that I really look at is minute action. So, taking the action even if it's just like the tiniest little thing. So, really diving into those well after I was diagnosed. I went traveling. I know that that's a question that you had wanted to chat through. So, I went traveling. I went to a ton of different countries and we can kind of, we can go back to that. But it wasn't until after all of that that I really started to think, wait a minute, I might actually be in more control than I have let myself believe. And there, you know, there's a reason for that. Awareness requires of us responsibility. And that's really scary when I have been, you know, quote unquote 'flaky' for a lot of my life to have to take responsibility for the way that I'm showing up and the way that I'm impacting others. That's a really scary thing. So, after I went traveling and I kind of settled in Germany and really started to look around, I thought, well, something's got to give. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how I'm going to make this work, but there's got to be something else out there. And that's when I really kind of went down that rabbit hole of coaching and ADHD management and really, you know, ridiculously tiny steps to start building my foundations. So that was a very long- winded shocker. 

JULIE: No, thank you. Thank you for that, Leah.  I love when you talked about self-responsibility because it is easy, as you'd mentioned before, to be the victim. This has happened to me. Well, this is just the way it's going to be. It's everyone else's problem. We can take this self-responsibility and going through that process and come out the end still authentically us but with a different understanding of ourselves, and a different way to hold ourselves in all of those situations where we may have floundered. So, thank you so much for introducing that. You spoke briefly about travel and you've travelled to more than 35 different countries and you now call Germany home now, which is amazing. What do you think travel and living abroad taught you about yourself and your ADHD? And how do you regulate things that are so unfamiliar in those instances? 

LEAH: Yeah. So, I think I got really lucky with my brand of ADHD, if you will. You know, ADHD is a spectrum, much like autism is a spectrum and we're all going to show up differently and our executive functions are going to show up, you know, differently. So, what you really struggle with, I might not struggle as much and vice versa. And so I think I got really lucky in the fact that whether it's a trauma response or whatever it is, I'm quite adaptable and I really enjoy, I mean obviously the dopamine from the novelty and the newness and meeting new people and seeing new places and eating new food even if I got sicker than I've ever been. You know, that kind of thing I think spurred me on. The dopamine that I get and still to this day get, it's changed a little bit as I've gotten older, but it's still one of the biggest sources of dopamine that I can personally get. And I, like I said, I got lucky in the fact that I really thrive in those situations. And for me it was a matter of there was it sounds maybe kind of crazy if people have not travelled or you know, depending on where they're at on the travel spectrum, there was less responsibility in that. So I didn't necessarily have you know, I didn't really have to pay rent. I lived in you know, I was in India for eight months. So my rent there looked very different than my rent in Nashville. You know, really showing up as an 'adult', quote unquote, looked a lot different when you were a dirty backpacker. And I really resonated with that spontaneity and okay, yeah, we're going to stay here. Oh, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. You just, you know, pop up at a hostel and like it's totally... I and still to this day, I really struggle with that kind of like the solidifying of plans. I need an out. I mean even just last year or earlier this year actually, it's still 2025. In February of 2025, I went to Cambodia in Vietnam and you know, backpacked around and travelled and I had a really hard time being you know solidifying. I didn't buy my flight home until I don't know 3 days before I came back because like well what if something comes up? What if something changes? What if I meet people and they're going here and that's where I want to go and all of that kind of stuff. So like I said that that almost eased my ADHD if you will. I mean she was still a well... I cannot tell you how many planes you know buses, trains, automobiles that I missed. Even this past year in Cambodia and Vietnam I missed a flight. I booked it for March 18th instead of February 18th, which is when I needed it. You know, all of these kinds of things. So, it was still very much alive and well, but I think it also showed me that it's not that big of a deal for the most part, right? And I know that, you know, I was in a privileged place to be able to say that if I miss a bus, I can just get the next, you know, get another ticket. You know, it's not that expensive or whatever. But I know, I know for some people some of these ADHD tax moments are a big deal. So I don't want to say that and invalidate anybody's experience in that way. But it really did make me see that a I don't need as much as I thought I did and I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to figure out how to land on my feet. I might have tears. I might, you know, be sleeping in the luggage cart of a train. You know, I might it might be some crazy experiences, but I'm going to get it figured out. And so, I think that that kind of figure out ability was if nothing else a little bit of a mantra of I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. I'll figure it out. 

JULIE: In a strange way, it's almost I don't know, dare I throw in mindfulness into that story because in every moment you were very, very present. So much. So you weren't necessarily thinking too far ahead but being in that moment is quite a beautiful experience, really a lovely sensation soaking up all the different views and sights and sounds and smells. 

LEAH: Yeah. And that's probably what you know, lended itself so much to me in that time is I'm not great at future planning and prioritizing that is one of my executive functions that is on you know the lower end of that spectrum. And when you're on the road and you're traveling like that at least the way I was doing it, didn't require that of me and I loved that. So that was kind of almost, almost an executive function. I could kind of like we'll think about that one later. We're just, we're here. We're now we're going to where are we going to be? You know, we got to think to the end of the week and that's it. So again, that was something that I think really worked well for my brain at that time. Yeah. Excellent. But there was plenty of overwhelm and sensory overload and all of that. But it is really interesting because at the time, you know, when all when I was traveling and doing all that, I did not have the language that I have now. I was unaware that it was sensory overload kind of. I was unaware that this was emotional deregulation. I was, you know, I really just I didn't have the language for it. 

JULIE: How does ADHD tend to show up in everyday life for you when no one's watching? 

LEAH: Oh gosh. for me. Well, I think it's interesting. You know, you've probably heard this before, whether it's been people that have said it to you or, you know, guests that have been on here where people will say, "Well, everybody has a little bit of ADHD," which is for anybody that's listening, very invalidating. Please don't say that. Please don't say that to the people that you care about. Agree. Agree. Agree. So I think still even now there is this stigma behind it and depending on when you were diagnosed and you know, the trauma big T little T however that shows up for you that can come along with undermanaged or unmanaged ADHD into your 30s 40s 50s 60s that can leave you with so much shame and so much guilt and so much regret and so much... so, so many emotions that tend to be viewed on the negative side of that, right? And so I think that that is probably a big part of the lingering effect of not having the language for some of these things. Not being able to understand why can't I just do the thing? Everybody else can do the thing. Everybody else got a freaking owner's manual. Where's mine? And while, you know, I've done this work every single day for going on four years, that still shows up for me sometimes of get your [ __ ] together. Why, you know, why are you such a hot mess? All of these things. So, I think that that is something that a lot of people don't see of the feeling not adulty enough, of feeling stupid, quite honestly, of feeling inadequate, if you will. I think that shows up for a lot of people regardless of you know, you know that it's this you know developmental disorder and you know, all the logic behind it. But logic and emotions are funny that way and sometimes they just don't line up. So when people say, you know, everybody has a little bit of ADHD, one of my favorite comebacks, and I read this somewhere, and it's a little bit crass, but is to say, yeah, and everyone pees every day. But if you're peeing 89 times a day, it's going to disrupt the hell out of you, right? So that is kind of a way to look at this. Yes, everybody's going to be a little bit forgetful. Everybody's going to be, you know, disorganized from time to day, from time to time. The way that it disrupts our lives on a damn near constant basis is something that you cannot understand if you don't live with it. So I think that is part of it. This kind of whole life depending on how old you are and especially you know, what that looked like in school of you just need to try harder. She's a pleasure to have in class. She's just flighty and flaky and you know, oh, if you really cared, you would remember and you know, all of these things that a lot of us grew up hearing. Those are those are hard to shake sometimes, for sure. And then I think also the behind the scenes part of ADHD that a lot of people don't realize is kind of like what I was talking about the cumulative... cumulative effect of executive dysfunction. So it is not just the fact that we can sometimes get hyper focused on things that are not helpful or useful or moving the needle. It is not just that maybe I'm a little bit extra chatty. It is not just that. You know, I've got some disorganization going on. It's all of it in one big rubber band ball. I did a chat with a group of psychologists, so therapists that wanted a bit more information on how to work with their ADHD clients because coaching and therapy are two different things. So I did kind of a I don't know, a round table with them if you will and I wrote this thing that I will I'll quickly read to you for them to understand how everything kind of overlaps into one big clustered mess. So if you think about it, you know, all of these executive functions are interconnected. So when one struggles, it's a domino effect. So, poor self-awareness makes it hard to recognize why you're avoiding tasks. Weak planning and prioritizing leaves you unsure of where to start, impacting task initiation. Lack of focus means you jump from task to task, making organization harder. Emotional struggles like impulse control and self-regulation create tension, making it even harder to stay on track. Add in working memory issues, and suddenly you forgot steps or lose track of progress. The result is tasks feel ridiculously overwhelming and ADHDers blame themselves creating a cycle of shame and avoidance. 

JULIE: And you're so right, all of those overlapping each other. 

LEAH: Yeah. And what this is ADHD behind the scenes. What people don't understand is this is happening constantly. 

JULIE: So when we show up and we appear to be on time, organized, all of those wonderful things, and we get a nice pat on the back for being so wonderful, they don't see what's gone on behind the scenes to get to that point and how extra hard we've had to work to make those things happen. Yeah. I'd like to talk to you about relationships because that can be one of the hardest places to live with ADHD. From your experience personally and as a coach, how does ADHD impact romantic relationships or close connections? 

LEAH: Yeah. So, this one is really, really tricky and it's something that I work with a lot of clients on. I obviously work with individuals, but I've worked with couples as well to help, you know, the neurotypical partner better understand the neurodivergent partner and vice versa and all of that. But it can show up in a lot of different ways. You know, forgetting logistics. So, your partner thinks that you just don't care. If you cared, you'd remember. Rejection sensitivity can be a really big one, which means conflict feels catastrophic. And then emotional deregulation. So some emotional flooding, meltdown or shutdown. And then you know, that uneven executive load can lead to resentment. And then not having the communication skills to be able to say without fear of judgment, without fear of I'll just get your [ __ ] together, you know, whatever it is to say what you need to advocate for yourself even within romantic relationships. So really being able to say, "Hey, I know that this does not make any sense to you. This is what works for me. Can we have a chat about it? Hey, I really need a little bit of support here. I can return the favour and support you here." And you know, there's so many gosh, I could go, we could have a whole, you know, month-long podcast on nothing but ADHD and relationships, but being able to have these conversations, but that all starts with the self-awareness of what do you need? And if you cannot tell your partner what you need, they cannot read your mind. Especially if your needs are vastly different. Me and my husband, we have very different needs and they show up in very different ways. And that's taken a lot of time to be able to sit down and kind of dismantle that and to show that vulnerability of, hey, I feel really silly for having to ask for this or I feel like I should be able to do this in this way and I'm really struggling with it. Is it something that that we can kind of work through together? I think it's really important to remember same team. Hopefully, hopefully at the end of the day you're on the same team. And so really, you know, more than likely you fell in love or at least like depending on what stage you are with your with your partner for a reason. There's a reason that you love this person. And so really looking at, you know, they're obviously not doing these things hopefully, again, this is this is vast generalization, to hurt me or to be, you know, malicious, what's going on? And so really asking, you know, if you are the neurotypical or even if you're too neurodivergent, what can I do to help? How do you need me to show up? And they might make, they might make requests that you can't accommodate, but at least the conversation has been started. 

JULIE: Absolutely. And it's taking that deep breath and really, as you said, advocating for yourself... really tricky. I want to talk about conflict and emotional regulation. So, what would you like partners of ADHD to better understand about both particularly in moments of conflicts? 

LEAH: Right. So, moments of conflict are going to look different. So, I feel like, and this is kind of my personal opinion, and I'm sure I could find something to back this up on the interweb, but yes, ADHD and emotional regulation have a ton to do with this. So, first and foremost, one of the books that I recommend to every single person I work with is The Four Agreements. It's this little easy. So, one of the well, there's four agreements in here. They are be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally. Sound familiar? Don't make assumptions, and always do your best. And the ones that really show up the most there are don't make assumptions and don't take anything personally. So, a lot of times when we're struggling with this emotional regulation, maybe it's some RSD that is showing up, that kind of stuff, RSD, rejection sensitive dysphoria. So, really taking a step, like you said, hitting that pause button, which is really hard to do, and sometimes you can't even hit the pause button until after the fact, right? Again, this goes back to that self-awareness of, oh no, okay, what just happened? Let me be a little bit self-reflective. Another executive function that we struggle with, self-reflection. So, really looking at that kind of stuff of how did I react versus respond. So, again, some of this language can be really helpful. I want to respond. I do not want to react. What do I need in order to be able to respond? And most of the time it is safety. I need to feel safe. And so again, it does take some of this deep work of figuring out, okay, what does safety mean for you? What does that look like for you? And in the beginning, it's going to be very uncomfortable, very uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Both of which your nervous system will fight with every fiber of its being because your nervous system's job is to keep you alive. And if we go to lizard brain, keeping you alive means comfortable and familiar, even if it's toxic as hell. So, we've all heard the adage, I'm sure, your nervous system will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar paradise 10 out of 10 times because unfamiliarity equals unsafe to our amygdala. So again, that's when you have to I use the analogy of ADHD is like driving a manual car versus driving an automatic car. So, you know, a manual car, you got to find the clutch and you got to find the brake and you got to find that bite point and you got to figure out how do you move it into first gear and it takes a little bit of manoeuvring. Automatic car, you get in, you start it, you go. So, with looking at our nervous systems and our brains and you know, the way that we show up a bit more like that, we've just we don't we don't need to, you know, take it to the shop to get fixed. There's nothing wrong with a manual car. It's not broken. It doesn't need anything. You just got to figure out how to drive it. And then once you can figure that out of, oh, this is why this shows up for me. This is how this shows up for me. Oh, okay. Now I can start kind of playing with that. 

JULIE: Thank you for explaining that, and beautifully said and I'll certainly cement a few of those quotes in my brain to pull out at a later date. Wonderful. I love the lizard brain and going back to this familiar hell as opposed to unfamiliar paradise. Very, very interesting. Yeah, I must admit as an older ADHD as in diagnosed later in life, I've had some really bad strategies or should I say coping mechanisms with conflict and most of the time it involved running away and not self-advocating because I just didn't even want to go there. And so it's really nice to stop that chain just like we can do in many parts of our lives. Understand it, stop it, and it's not too late to go forward with more healthier strategies that work. Talking about work, I would like to talk about ADHD in the workplace. What do you see most often when ADHD has come to you struggling professionally?

LEAH: Yeah. So, a couple of common themes that I see within the workplace are, you know, you've got these smart, capable, hardworking, but exhausted, struggling to keep up with admin demands, emails, follow through. Great in a crisis, but struggle in the boring maintenance tasks and then of course we've got the perfectionism leads to avoidance leads to, you know, urgency, last minute adrenaline sprints. So it is looking at again how but what is in your control behind some of this, right? Some days you're just going to be exhausted. Work does that to us. But asking for what you need at work. A lot of times it is not a productivity failure. It's a bit of an environmental environment mismatch. Right? So what I want to help people do is reduce the friction. So fewer tools, clearer workflows, clearer expectations. What's exactly expected of me, especially if you are in, you know, you've got a manager, you're under people, that kind of thing. Time boxing, external accountability are really helpful. Separating thinking time versus doing time, really prioritizing and building recovery into work rhythms, all of that can be really, really helpful. You've got to look at what is it within your job, within your workplace, with whatever that is overwhelming you. So, a lot of times I meet with people that have, you know, seven different notebooks and they've written this and that and this and that, and they've got two different calendars, one's here and one's there, and they've got a couple different apps that they're kind of trying out for to-dos. So, what happens is you're putting, you know, all of your ideas and all your thoughts and all your to-dos and all your whatever in 12 different places. So, when you go to look that back up, well, I wrote it down. Well, where the hell did you write it down? You got 12 places. So, really looking at one, you know, capture spot for things. And again, that can feel quite uncomfortable if you're used to, no, this notebook is for this and this notebook is for this. And the question I always ask there without trying to be a smart alec, how's that working out for you? So it's kind of like, you know, the analogy I use here is usually if you go into your kitchen, your cutlery, your dishes, they're in the same place, right? Your plates go in the same place. Every time you wash them or unload the dishwasher, plates go here. Your forks, knives, and spoons, they all go in their spot and they go in the same spot every time. So that when you go into the kitchen and you need a knife and a fork and a plate, you're not randomly looking in all your cabinets for where did I put them. It's the same thing with our mental clutter. We've got to figure out one or two capture points, that kind of thing. Again, really looking at where is the overwhelm coming from? Can you ask for some reasonable accommodations? Can you ask for noise cancelling headphones? Can you ask for a different place in the office? Can you ask for a hybrid schedule? What are some sensory things you need? Like I said, noise cancelling headphones. I'm always cold. I'm always going to need a bit of a of a shawl or something, you know, that kind of thing. But again, for a really long time, I did not know this. And I had very much that suck it up, dude, everybody else can get along with it. What is your problem? But be like I can't imagine working in an office now with no headphone. Like I can't imagine working in an office anyway. But especially with no kind of like blocking out the distraction. Oh no. Absolutely not. There's no way. I'd never I'd never get anything done. So again, really thinking about even in your wildest dreams, what would be helpful? Even if you're like, well, that's insane. You know, my ideal would be a corner office with a view and you know, all these things, but really looking at what are the things that would really help you thrive and then take that to whoever you can take it to and say, "Hey, what on here is reasonable." Ask for ask for all of it. You might get it. You never know. You don't know until you ask. So, really kind of figuring out what works for you. And the great thing about coaching is that you get to chat all this out with someone. And what happens is, at least this is how I work in my coaching practice. We want to build a toolbox for you to pull from. So we don't want just one default. This is the only option I have. I have to do this. We want to be able to say, "Okay, maybe sometimes you need this one. Maybe sometimes you need this one. What are some coping mechanisms, some emotional regulation tools, some you know, productivity tools that that help you? But let's come up with a few different ones that you can experiment with based on your capacity, based on your energy, based on, you know..." If you're a woman, maybe where you are with your cycle. All of these different things are going to affect how you show up on any given day. So why would we think that we need to operate at the same on any given day? Looking at your capacity, right? So you didn't sleep well. You got a sick kid and you know it's Christmas, you're probably only going to be operating at about I don't know 30% capacity. And if that happens often to where you're operating at 30, 40, 50% capacity, but you're giving 120 you will burn yourself out. It's math, right? So, you've got to rewire that for yourself. If I'm at 50% capacity and I give 50%, I gave 100%. Figure out what that looks like for you. For many of us who've been diagnosed with ADHD, there isn't really the next steps. They're not really offered to us. 

JULIE: And this is where ADHD coaching can offer more than what we could do for ourselves because it's like really a start. You've talked about this personalized toolbox which I love. How does that change things longer term for the ADHDer having all of these tools available to them? 

LEAH: So, first and foremost, I think that it really helps rewire our nervous system for calm, for reliability, for less the need for less urgency. We're always going to need some urgency. That's just, you know, how we roll, but we don't need it as drastically when we can start building foundations and then building on the foundations. A lot of us and a lot of the people that come to me, their foundations are super rocky and they try to build on it and everything crumbles and they're back to, you know. I hear all the time, "I just feel like I'm starting from scratch every single day or at least every Monday." And so coaching, we really want to look at building those foundations. And they can start really small. So, one of the first things I have people do is a nightly brain dump. What does tomorrow look like? Let's just start there. What's tomorrow look like for you? I got a 7 a.m. call with Leah. I've got this afterwards. I'm meeting so and so for lunch. And then I got to go do this. Okay, cool. Give yourself a little bit, five minutes to look at your calendar. See what's going on for tomorrow. It gives your brain a road map. Doesn't have to be it's not, you know, it's not etched in stone and signed in blood, right? This is a blueprint. These are kind of the big stones of my day. They don't move. This call is at 7:00 a.m. Someone is waiting for me. I got to be there. I'm not moving it. Going to this class. Oh, yeah. Okay. I can go to that one at noon or I can go to the 1, 3. Right? So, there's some things that are flexible. So, really taking the time the night before and then what does your day look like? Actually, I don't have that 7 a.m. call, but I want to go to the gym and do that class at 7 a.m. Cool. Pack your change of clothes, lay out everything directly by your bed. Yoga pants, underwear, sports bra, t-shirt, jacket, gum boots, if it's going to be raining, like all of it. It forces a little bit of future planning. And what happens is when you wake up in the morning and all you have to do is, you know, grab your coffee to go or your tea, you start to cultivate self-trust. And self-trust infiltrates every single part of our lives from our relationship to ourselves, our relationships with our romantic partners, our relationship with our co-workers, friends, all of that. If we can start with these really little ways of trusting ourselves, it can reduce shutdown. It can reduce avoidance. It can reduce ADHD paralysis, analysis paralysis, decision paralysis, all of that kind of stuff, right? So, if you lay your clothes out the night before, you're not waking up in the morning, oh, what am I going to wear? I don't even know. Oh, I've got this one. This looks good. This doesn't look good. you've already done it when you were regulated ish usually. So yeah, these are kind of the different ways that coaching can show up. But self trust is a really big one and one of the most important ones in the sense of freedom that you get when you can trust yourself of like I can actually be on time. I'm not late everywhere I go. A year ago I was and now I don't even think about it. Now it's second nature. It's that kind of thing that really helps. 

JULIE: Going back to the coaching side of things, I think there is so much you can do as an individual. There is so many, there's lots of strategies out there. They look great on paper. In practice is a little bit trickier. Having that other person, the coach who's got your best interest in mind and really customizing strategies to what works for you in your situation with your major trip hazards that you've identified, you know, issues that you need to deal with. It's so tailor made. It's absolutely wonderful and you've given some great suggestions. That sounds like a very good strategy being organized or you're being organized because you're giving yourself that pause to plan which is beautiful. So whether it's at home with a partner or after a tough day at work or alone with your own thoughts, is there another strategy or practice that genuinely helps people regulate or reconnect or respond with less shame and maybe more compassion? 

LEAH: Yeah. I mean with that like you were just saying, having someone to verbalize things to is really helpful. Figuring out, you know, I kind of talk to people about going back to basics when it comes to regulation. And the basics that I talk about are food, water, movement, sleep, and sunlight. What do those five things look like for you? Once you can kind of, okay, yeah, I'm dehydrated. Obviously, I need to, you know, I need to drink some water. Even if it's like, you know, I think a lot of us, I need to drink a gallon of water every single day. Okay. Well, I yeah, I've tried. It's just not going to happen. So, when I notice it in the moment, okay, I need to drink water. Am I eating the kinds of foods that make my body feel good? And we're not talking about being on a diet and all that kind of, you know, crap. We're talking about if you're lactose intolerant and you're eating cheese every day, it's going to affect your brain fog or, you know, if you're gluten intolerant and you start every day with a donut, I hate that for you, but it's going to be a problem. So, kind of paying attention to these kind of basic things. And then I love to talk to people about having a bit of a what I call it's a little bit of this is what we're talking about, but like a dopamine. So, things that can give you a little bit of dopamine, regulate you, but that you can pull from. So, maybe it looks like a list on your phone. Dopamine. What are some quick hits? What are some things, you know, an hour-long massage? Okay, that's a bit of a longer one. I don't have time for that right now. I was in between calls. I love a midday shower. Not everybody has that option, but 2 p.m. shower helps reset, reregulate. I can get out and I feel like, okay, we're back on track. Yeah, doing things sensory, washing your hands in really cold water or, you know, taking an ice cube, holding that. I almost always have, especially right now, it's December in Germany, a hot water bottle is kind of like a warm hug for me a lot and it helps really regulate me. But these are things that I had to cultivate over time and pay attention to like, oh my gosh, this really helps me feel a bit more tethered to life. I love yoga nidra. I don't know if you're familiar with yoga nidra. Yoga nidra is non-sleep deep rest. So NSDR. You do a body scan. You get really nice and cozy on your couch or in your bed. And yeah, they've got my favorite girl is on YouTube. Her name is Ally Boothroyd. No affiliation. I just love her. And they walk you through a body scan and it's a really great way to calm your nervous system. Bring everything down. A practice that is really underrated and will probably garner a few eye rolls, which is fine, take three really deep breaths on purpose intentionally. Breathe in through your nose, fill all the way up, all the way down to your belly, and then exhale out the mouth. Extend the exhale to be longer than the inhale and do that three times. Is that going to be as effective as you know a Xanax? No. No, it is not. Is it going to help you in that moment regulate yourself even the tiniest little bit? Yes. Because what happens when you take deep breaths like that is that it shortcuts your nervous system. When you're in fight or flight, your body thinks that you're being chased by a lion. If you have time to pause and take three big inhales and exhales, you can't possibly being chased by a lion. So, it shortcuts that even just temporarily. Love it. So, these are and you can do that anywhere. You can run to the loo at work. You can pop, you know, just pop outside real quick. If everybody gets, you know, smoke breaks, then you can go take a breath break, right? So, these are things that you can do that aren't as obvious, I guess. 

JULIE: I love that. I love the dopamine. Absolutely wonderful. And I love the perspective of being chased by a lion. Even just the thought of that, it's in, you know, it's hilarious. No, that's great. Hilarious in a very, very positive good perspective way. Excellent. I've got one more question for you, Leah. And you've been so amazing with your insights and sharing all you know. That's wonderful. For someone listening who feels like, let's face it, a scattered mess on the inside, even if they do look like high functioning on the outside, what would you most want them to hear?

LEAH: So, I think that like I kind of mentioned earlier, one of the biggest takeaways that I want ADHDers to know is that you are not broken. You just don't have the systems yet that work for you. And there's reasons for that. Whether you've kind of fallen into a perfectionism hole or a self-sabotage hole or whatever that looks like, I promise you, no worries. It does not matter how deep the hole is. There is a ladder long enough. You can get out. I think it kind of goes back to that automatic car versus the manual car. The manual car does not need to be fixed. It is not broken. You just got to figure out how to engage what needs to be engaged for your specific brain. And when you can do that with the tiniest smallest little like your brain will be like that doesn't count. That's too small. That's how you know you're on the right track. So minute action is going to be quantum leaps damn near every single time. Quantum leaps lead to overwhelm and giving up. And that's why we feel like we're starting back at square one. Where if we do things that are laughably small, they can build and build and build and build and build and build. 

JULIE: Leah, you have been an absolute joy to chat to today. Thank you so much for your time and sharing your wonderful experience at insight. It's really fascinating and yeah very, very interesting indeed. So thank you for your time. 

LEAH: Thank you so much for having me Julie. This has been so, so lovely. I'll come back anytime.

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Julie Legg

Host
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Jel Legg

Co-host