ADHDifference

S2E23: ADHD Life & Quick Wins for Busy Mums + guest Jessica Lewis

• Julie Legg • Season 2 • Episode 23

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Julie Legg chats with Jessica Lewis, a voice-over artist, photographer, podcast host, and mum of three ADHD kids, about her journey of self-discovery and late ADHD diagnosis. Jessica reflects on how parenting led to recognising her own neurodivergent traits, the emotional rollercoaster of raising differently wired children, and how small, simple strategies have helped her create calm amidst the chaos.

Jessica’s podcast Quick Wins for ADHD Moms is all about practical tools, and this conversation is no different. Full of real-world wisdom, it’s a reminder that tiny wins can lead to big changes and that self-compassion might just be the most powerful strategy of all.

Key Points from the Episode

  • The parenting journey that sparked Jessica’s own ADHD discovery
  • Why her son’s impulsivity and creativity became a turning point
  • The emotional impact of diagnosis and the validation it brought
  • How Jessica built a creative career around voice work, photography, and podcasting
  • Why Quick Wins for ADHD Moms was born out of a need for simple, actionable help
  • The power of tiny habits, daily rituals, and delayed dopamine
  • Self-coaching: how to pause, reflect, and reframe in real time
  • Scripts for saying no: the underestimated ADHD boundary strategy
  • Letting go of perfection, embracing seasons, and asking for help

Links

LINKEDIN: Jessica Lewis

QUICK WINS PODCAST: TheADHDmom.com

INSTAGRAM: quickwinsadhdmoms

WEBSITE: JessicaLewisVoice.com

WEBSITE: ThePaintedSquare.com

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📖 BOOK: The Missing Piece: A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing and Living with ADHD

ℹ️ DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for informational purposes only. The views expressed are those of the guests and do not necessarily reflect those of the host or ADHDifference. Read More

JULIE: Welcome to Season 2 of ADHDifference. I'm your host, Julie Legg, ADHD advocate, author of The Missing Piece, A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing, and Living with ADHD, and an unapologetic doer of many things. This season, we're turning up the volume with a global lineup of brilliant guests bringing their lived experiences, insights, research, strategies, and resources. And of course, along with a healthy dose of humour and humility. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or just curious, there's something here for every curious brain. Let's dive in. Meet Jessica Lewis. Jessica is an ADHD wife and mother of three ADHD kids, a voice-over artist, storyteller, photographer, and someone who's passionate about celebrating simplicity. She's also a podcast host sharing simple, doable strategies and encouragement to help high achieving but exhausted moms find clarity, calm, and community one small win at a time. So lovely to have you on the show, Jessica. Thanks for joining us. [Of course. Thank you so much, Julie, for having me.] You're an ADHD wife and mom of three ADHD kids, which already tells me there's never a dull moment in your house. Can you take us back to when you first began to recognize ADHD in yourself and your family and what that journey's been like for you? 

JESSICA: Yeah. Well, it's funny because growing up, you know, there wasn't this ADHD thing. It was just fun and exciting and we lived in rural Pennsylvania and explored the woods. And you know, and all the kids in my class are like, "Oh, you're fun, but you're kind of weird." You know, I've had people tell me that before. "I can't figure you out." And I was like, "That's okay. I can't figure myself out either. I just have fun and you know, just roll with it." And so, you know, growing up like that, no clue that there's like, and I've said before, there's all these explosions happening in my head all the time and just this creative... my mum used to say, "Jess, you're just so creative." And it was just a very nice way of saying, "You're a lot, but it's okay. I love you. You're just very creative." And so after having my third child and realizing that this, especially this last child and maybe it's just having a third kid, but this is hard. Like I don't like this is really challenging and I'm seeing all these other mums just relishing and having little kids and I am struggling. I think because looking back my brain I just want to check out. I just want to space out. You can't do that with little kids, especially one that has ADHD, and then we'll go running off into any second and you can we've lost him a few different times or we've seen him like crawling into a barn window from across a field and we're like, "No." So, like you, just it's constant. You have to pay attention and I didn't like that. It was just very challenging. So, our I've mentioned our youngest one was just the one that was just extra. And we thought, "This kid has a lot of energy. He's hilarious. The creativity that comes out of him is astounding." And everybody knows him. Everybody says, "Truett, hey." And the other two just laugh because they're like, "Yeah, everybody knows Truett." He just is a ball of energy. But when he was little, we had him in preschool and every day my husband and I would take turns saying, "All right, it's your turn to pick him up today." Because the teacher, we would get there and the teacher would be like, "Oh, Mrs. Lewis, can we have can we just chat a little bit?" I thought, "Oh my goodness, what did he do today?" And there was, I have a stack of papers that he was written up for all of these little things. And I... it was chaos going through it. But I look, I still have them now and I'll flip through them and it will you know, one of them was "During yoga class today he did the exact the exact opposite of what the teacher was doing and so he had to sit out and not do yoga with us." He... there's just so many stories and the one teacher said "We were all in a line and all of a sudden Truett's gone and he we don't know where he went." And he ended up, they have a stage and they were up on, he was up on stage behind somewhere just exploring. He thought it was interesting. So it's just it's hard. It was hard to keep track of him because of his impulsivity. I would take him to the playground because he just needed to get out and have energy. But he would always get in trouble with the other kids on the playground or he'd be pushing someone or he'd... So at some point I'm like "We have to go. Like all the other mums hate me right now because my child is just out of control and I'm just trying to give him a space to run but this isn't working out. So let's just sneak off behind these trees and go back to our car." And so there was a lot of guilt and shame as a mum who has a kid who's not like all the other kids. And that was really, that was really hard. And so going through the process of getting him diagnosed, I started checking off all those boxes. And I thought, well, I mean, I check all of these off, too, but that's weird. That can't be right. And then my daughter got diagnosed with inattentive and I think okay maybe there's something here and I started learning more and more about it and what exactly is you know, executive functioning and dysfunction. And I'm like, I really think I should get tested at 43. Maybe I have this too. 

JULIE: How did you feel about that diagnosis? Was it a surprise to you? 

JESSICA: I think at the time when I did get diagnosed, it wasn't a surprise because I was so certain that I had it. And but those few years before figuring out like do I have this or not was very I think it was very validating. And I believe when I interviewed you for our show I think that was the word that you use, is just very validating and it tells me okay. I'm not I mean, I'm crazy but I'm not crazy you know and there's a reason. There's a reason why I cannot remember birthdays. There's a reason why I show up late to things and I really don't mean to. From the outside you look very successful but on the inside you're just like, you're just keeping up and nobody knows you're keeping up. And you don't even know you're keeping up until you can't. 

JULIE: And one of your creative outlets and in fact a career for you, is your voice-over work. Would you like to share that journey, how you got into it and what you love about that work? 

JESSICA: Yes, absolutely. And I read too that you are also a voice-over artist. So that was so fun to read. I think they call it multi-potential like with all these different things going on. Yes. Voice-over started back in college. I was flipping through the book like where do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know. I found this broadcasting degree and I thought that's it. That sounds amazing. It's very hands-on. And so went in and got a broadcasting degree and was in radio, did production and ended up meeting my husband through that and got married. We moved to Nashville, toured with a band for a long time and I wasn't behind the mic anymore. But when we started having kids, we realized touring is really hard with kids. And so we were home and I started a podcast a one a long time ago and got behind the mic again and I thought, you know, there's all of these commercials people are doing. Why don't I just throw stuff I've done out, you know, done from radio and see if that kind of resonates and it did. It started hitting and I just started picking up clients and it just kind of snowballed into me learning more about what is voice over and how can I be better at it and how do you get clients and the marketing aspect of it? So, and so my husband built our home studio and that's what I do most of the time here. 

JULIE: One of your many creative endeavours or hobbies and careers all thrown into one is photography. Would you be able to share your journey with photography? 

JESSICA: Yeah. I think when I was 8 years old, I remember being in my grandmother's house and they have a toy box and she had old cameras in there and I think I was just playing with old cameras and I thought like these this is really cool. And I think someone had one of those... oh I can't remember. They're called the Polaroid camera where you take a picture and it like comes out and then you have to like wait for it to you see the picture. And so I think my love for photography was way back then. And I've always had a camera in my hand and just taking portraits and pictures of nature, being able to just capture the feeling and the story of whatever I felt like in the moment. And so that turned into wedding and portrait photography. And from there, that went into boutique packaging for photographers because I realized I didn't have my own really nice packaging. And so I made it, put it up on Etsy, and then everybody wanted that. So I started shipping, you know, making these products and shipping them worldwide with little kids at home still. So creativity, not just photography, but like all the things surrounding it that yeah, you know how like you can't just do like one little thing. It's got to be like this big and like so but I've learned that I don't have to create all of my hobbies. I don't have to turn all of my hobbies into a business. And that was probably really insightful. So now I just enjoy nature photography. I just don't have time to be out shooting weddings and so yeah, now it's just a hobby and I can enjoy it. 

JULIE: It's quite difficult to restrain yourself though, isn't it? When you're very excited and passionate about a hobby and are good at it because the opportunities are endless, aren't they? And then it's juggling which one do you take forward to the next step and which one do you have to leave behind and are there enough hours in the day, week, month, year to do it all? 

JESSICA: I wish. I wish there were more hours in a day. Yeah. And I wish I wouldn't get so uptight about it all. I'm still learning to let things go and just focus. I don't know. People say I should focus on just focus on one thing. I don't know if I can. So, but maybe focus on like three things instead of 10. So, that's an improvement. [I can completely relate to that, Jessica.] Yeah. I just think that's just who we are and that's how we experience the world and we just need to put stuff out there. But I think learning how to say no to things, saying no to the right things and saying yes to the right things and learning the discernment what is good things and what is not good things. That's part of the journey. 

JULIE: You're also a podcast host. So I'd like to talk about that. Quick Wins for ADHD Mums, or moms as you pronounce it. It's a brilliant concept and it's offering simple doable strategies that fit into busy and beautiful and messy lives. What inspired you to start it and what's exciting you about the work you're doing there right now? 

JESSICA: Yes. Well, with voice over clients hire me to do work for them and that's wonderful. I love that. But there's always been a part of me that wanted to have my own show or podcast with my radio background. You know, I have the resources, but I never felt like I don't really have anything to say. I'm usually saying everyone else's script. And when I realized, you know, this ADHD thing, this has been a journey that our family has been on for a very long time. And it's something that 20 years ago, I think my daughter's actually 18 and a half now, so about 18 and 1/2 years ago. I wish there was a resource like this that wasn't an hour-long show that went into deep dive, whatever. I just needed quick wins to figure out how am I going to get through my day today? What am I doing that I shouldn't be doing? What are things I should be doing? And it's just these little tweaks that make all the difference. And so I think that's where this Quick Wins for ADHD Moms comes from is, you know, we don't have a lot of time to dedicate to an hour and a half long podcast. We just need a quick win and we're on our way. And I realized with podcasting, that's the one thing that I listened to a lot when I was, you know, entrepreneurship and had the different businesses. I was listening to podcasts as I was on the treadmill, as I was doing dishes, as I was doing laundry. It was a great way to have everything going in my ears, keeping my brain busy, but I'm able to, you know, fold laundry, do dishes, help the kids with whatever. It just seems like a really good medium. 

JULIE: What are the kinds of quick wins that are resonating with some of your listeners? Are you able to throw a couple in? 

JESSICA: Well, I loved the one that you did. You said, "Flip the script." Flipping the script because we get into the same old routine and mindset and then you just get frustrated. So instead of getting frustrated, just do the opposite of what you would normally do and see what happens, right? 

JULIE: It's kind of like almost the anti-strategy of something that you've always done, you always get what you've always got. Rinse and repeat kind of thing. In a split second, we can use our impulsivity, which we can hone in and use that in a in a positive way. And I'd also like to ask you about a personal strategy that you use to help you through your day because you're juggling so many things, right? So, what's a little strategy you use? 

JESSICA: Yes. And I had to look up there's so many different things that I've done and I think many of it, many of them started with a book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. And in it he talks about doing tiny quick wins. So not nothing huge, not big sudden changes but small little winds during your day that become frictionless. So you do like little habits that attach to like a bigger habit that you normally do. And then just combining those together, being able to make those habits into a daily, well, habit, part of your life, that was one thing, tiny wins to implement into my day. It's also a quick hit of dopamine. I know with ADHD, we just we need that dopamine hit and realizing when you're scrolling all day on your phone, it's taking away your natural dopamine, the way it... the way your day flows. And so if you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is you're scrolling, that's not necessarily a good habit. And it's something I'm working on to not be scrolling immediately in the morning. So to switch that would be like I'm gonna wake up. I'm gonna have my cup of tea. I'm gonna have a cup of tea before I have coffee because I have coffee every morning, but I need to hydrate. So I'm going to add a couple tea cup of tea first and then do that. Maybe do some stretching. Then I can scroll. So I'm not getting that dopamine hit right away. I'm kind of letting it wait until a little bit later. 

JULIE: Those morning rituals are so important, too, aren't they? Just to set you off on the right track. When you do that with kindness, which you are with your stretching and your cup of tea and you know what works for you, you're in control of those moments. Whereas diving straight into social media, you don't know what's going to come back at you. 

JESSICA: Yeah, absolutely. And there there's so many different other quick wins I know. We had Ada Gore was talking about different seasons in your menstrual cycle and how all of that changes throughout the month and so learning about that and your energy level and how there's certain times of the month where it's like yes, I have the energy to do that and then I know she would say winter season is coming up and I really need to protect that time because I'm going to need a nap. So, I might as well just schedule a nap into my calendar and protect that time and just say, "Well, I'm booked." Nobody needs to know I'm taking a nap. [Absolutely. And recharging that battery is so important.] And sometimes you can't help it. You have to keep going. You're a mom, you've got kids to feed and protect. There's yeah, there's just times when you can't get what you really need. 

JULIE: So for someone who's listening and holding things together but actually feeling completely exhausted, what is something that you would like them to hear? 

JESSICA: One thing that I have really loved is learning how to coach, how to be a learning how to coach yourself. So coaching is just asking questions to get to the heart of what's really going on. And so if you learn how to coach yourself and ask the right questions, I think there's a way that you can help yourself get from, for example, some of the questions, you know, okay, what is really challenging about this right now? You're in the middle of a grocery store. You're overwhelmed. You're ready to cry, but why? So like taking a step back. Okay, what's the real challenge here? Think I'm over stimulated. The lights are so bright, the music is on. There's people all over. I think I'm over stimulated. And then you think, well, what else? What else about that is challenging? Well, it's 5:00. I'm hungry. And so, coaching yourself through what's really going on, what's the challenge, what else? And then, what can I do to change that? Well, I could go shopping in the morning. I could eat something before I go shopping, you know, so it's not as overwhelming. And so being able to figure out how to coach yourself through that, I think helps you navigate that. And some people just maybe need to hire an ADHD coach who can help bring certain questions and draw them out of them. Some people just I don't know, I just need help. And that's okay. Recognizing that you need help is wonderful. So then you can go find it. 

JULIE: That's a great one. Self coaching, asking the right questions and identifying where those trip hazards are and being kind enough to pause and say, "So, what really is the problem?" 

JESSICA: I think another thing just that has really helped me too is figuring out, you know, you talked about you "flip the script" but also "write the script". You know, practice. We say yes to everything because we're impulsive and we're like, "That sounds exciting. Yes, let's do that." And then afterwards we think and we're like, "Okay, this is really overwhelming." And so learning how to say no. Like we know that we need to say no, but what are the words that we're going to use? Like how are we going to say no? And so practicing, practicing your catchphrase, you know, "Hey, thank you so much. I'm actually booked. I would love to help. What you're doing is amazing, but I'm completely booked. And so I have to say no." And so figuring out what you're going to say before you're like, yes, I think really helps. Learning how to say no two or three different ways. Yeah. Like, and writing them down. Writing those phrases down and practicing them in front of a mirror. Just practice saying, "I think you're great. I think that's wonderful. I can't help right now." And just practicing saying it out loud until it becomes natural. It's common for us to say yes too much and to say no with respect and kindness to both parties, yourself and the other person is such a wonderful thing to do because we should be able to say no for our own reasons, our own well-being, yet without coming across as being rude or uncaring. I'm constantly trying to figure out how to instead of backpedalling or having to write someone an email saying, "I know I said yes, but I really meant no, and now let's I'm sorry I'm disappointing you." And then you feel the rejection, you know, all of the feelings that we feel. It's like just let's be straight forward up front and just say, or if you're not sure, it's okay to say, "I'm really not sure, but can I get back to you?" Another way to deflect saying yes. 

JULIE: Yeah. And just allowing that space because I think we do take time also to process things. And often our mouth and brain moves faster than reason does at times. And so being able just to pause and come back at a time when we can collect our thoughts and maybe have a look in the diary. 

JESSICA: And I think that's what just looking back on my life, I'm always like so fast and somebody's like just pause, just pause. And I'm like, you can do that? Yeah, just pause. Like, just don't do anything. Don't think, okay, well, that I mean, that doesn't really work. But maybe listen to music, calming music. Take time to reflect. I don't think we take time to reflect and that's why we're just constantly on the go, on the go, on the go. But if we just like stop, take a deep breath, reflect. Okay, what's really challenging here? Why am I so worked up? Because it's you. But then you add kids to that and it just becomes a whole bunch of different emotions and processing. And so if you learn how to do that, that's something you can teach your kids as well. 

JULIE: Motherhood or parenthood is a very different kettle of fish, if I can use that expression. I like that. To being an older adult when children have left home and you do have more time and perhaps more design over your day. 

JESSICA: Definitely. And so having young kids just doesn't allow you to get the sleep that you need. And so I think young moms have it really hard. We're just going to call it, it's hard. But I think surrounding yourself with people who can help too. If parents, grandparents are able to watch the kids or having a babysitter watch the kids and you go take a nap. Like don't do dishes, don't catch up on laundry, don't try to catch up on stuff. Just figure out what gives you energy back and start building that into your day. And if you need help, ask for help. That was probably one of the things that I didn't, I didn't do enough was ask for help. 

JULIE: Thank you so much for joining me today and I really appreciate your time and insights into the worlds of Quick Wins for ADHD moms. 

JESSICA: Thank you so much, Julie. I appreciate you and what you're doing and I'm reading your book and it's fabulous.

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Julie Legg

Host
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Jel Legg

Co-host
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Jessica Lewis

Guest