ADHDifference

S2E7: Shared Similarities Between ADHD & Autism In Women + guest Randi-Lee Bowslaugh

• Julie Legg • Season 2 • Episode 7

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Julie Legg is joined by Randi-Lee Bowslaugh, a Canadian author, former competitive kickboxer, and mental health advocate. Diagnosed with autism later in life, Randi-Lee brings clarity to the lived and shared experiences that often fall between diagnostic cracks - emotional regulation struggles, sensory sensitivities, people-pleasing, and chronic exhaustion from masking.

This conversation highlights a growing reality: many women are missed, misdiagnosed, or misunderstood when it comes to ADHD and/or autism diagnosis. This episode is an, insightful listen for anyone exploring where they may sit on the neurodivergent spectrum - especially those who resonate with both ADHD and autism traits.

Key Points from the Episode:

  • How a child’s diagnosis can be a mirror. Randi-Lee only began to explore her own neurodivergence after advocating for her daughter
  • The overlapping traits of ADHD and autism in women, including:
    • Emotional overwhelm
    • Sensory sensitivities (noise, texture, unexpected touch)
    • Social burnout and masking
    • Executive dysfunction hidden behind high achievement
  • Why so many women go undiagnosed due to people-pleasing, perfectionism, and internalised expectations
  • Routines as lifelines – Randi-Lee shares how disrupting even small routines can completely throw off her sense of calm
  • Her experience with depression, misdiagnosis, and the importance of treating co-occurring conditions alongside neurodivergence
  • Creativity as expression and therapy – from writing books to producing an indie film based on her brother’s mental health journey
  • A powerful reminder that “being different doesn’t mean being broken”

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JULIE: Welcome to Season 2 of ADHDifference. I'm your host, Julie Legg, ADHD advocate, author of The Missing Piece: A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing, and Living with ADHD, and an unapologetic doer of many things. This season, we're turning up the volume with a global lineup of brilliant guests bringing their lived experiences, insights, research, strategies, and resources. And of course, along with a healthy dose of humour and humility. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or just curious, there's something here for every curious brain. Let's dive in. My guest today is someone who wears many hats. Meet Randi-Lee Bowslaugh. She's an author, YouTube host, speaker, and passionate mental health advocate. She's also a former competitive kickboxer diagnosed with autism in 2021. Today we're talking about neurodivergence crossovers and shared traits of autism and ADHD and the power of sharing your truth. Welcome to the show Randi-Lee. [Hi, thanks for having me.] Most welcome. Look, let's start with your personal journey. You know, you've spoken before about feeling different but not quite knowing why until your autism diagnosis as an adult. So, what was your journey and what was it like to receive that moment of clarity finally? 

RANDI-LEE: Yeah. So, when I was little, I mean, in elementary school, there was a group of only like five girls or whatever, so we obviously were friends. And because it was just a very small school, it wasn't as weird because we all grew up the same. You didn't have new kids come in. There was no big changes in there. So, you didn't notice things that way, until in grade five there was a new girl and things changed. And I couldn't figure out how this was going to work and how it would integrate in. And I just I could not wrap my head around it. That was probably one of the biggest, or as my kid could like say, core memories of it because it was one of the biggest changes. Other things were the sensory overload stuff. People I would have be, what my mom would say 'freak out' because she didn't know what it was and people be like "Oh you spoil her." It's just because she spoiled me. I was like that has nothing to do with that. Like she didn't even ask for anything and she's freaking out and I don't know what to do.  And then I would end up being sequestered. That's the nice way to say it, 'sequestered' into my bedroom, until I would calm down because my mom had no idea what was going on. Because it, again, it wasn't that I was saying, "Hey, I want something," and then being told, "No," and you're having a temper tantrum. It would just kind of come out of the blue and I would just be screaming and I couldn't articulate it. My mom had no idea what was happening. People would just say "She's spoiled, needs more discipline." So, you know, it was kind of really frustrating growing up that way. And then as I got older, you learn how to... I think many, many people with autism, we learn how to mask and do what is expected. Even if you have no idea why you're doing it. You're just doing it because okay, in a situation similar to this, this is what happens. Therefore, I must do this again. And so I would kind of play that role, but still never quite getting understanding why people were doing what they were doing and that kind of thing. So I just went with it. So then finally as an adult, I got the diagnosis. And I didn't do it until after my kid who had been diagnosed at a young age said to me, "Mom, if I have autism, so do you." And I went, "Huh, yeah, you're probably right." So, I went and I was able to go and talk to the doctor and go through the big long assessment and everything. And she goes, "Yes." And writes it all out and I go, "I feel really vindicated right now because my whole life people were, you know, trying to tell my mom I'm spoiled or do this and whatever." And none of that was the case. And I was like, "Yes, I knew I wasn't spoiled." That moment of clarity. Right. 

JULIE: Exactly. Already... we're going to be talking about it shortly, but already I can see the similarities between ADHD and autism and masking as you said. Number one particularly for females, young girls growing up, this observation. And you know we're masters of observation really aren't we, looking at our peers as what would be deemed correct behaviour. So yeah and I can absolutely see that. And do you see the similarities between you and your child? Now, you know? 

RANDI-LEE: Before I even knew about me, people would say stuff. I'd be like, "Well, what are you talking about? She's not weird. She's just she's acting like I did." I said that so much before the diagnosis. I was like, "Oh, yeah. That would be why that makes sense now." 

JULIE: And, you also have suffered depression though, feeling that you had to push through that. How was that for you? 

RANDI-LEE: Yeah. So, I would say it all started probably way back when I was a teenager. And I think they really go hand in hand. And a lot of people with autism or ADHD, they do have that dual diagnosis with something else because that feeling of not fitting in or not knowing what to do. It's really easy to feel depressed or anxious or any of those other things. So, like you said, lots of similarities and that's one of them, that comorbidity with something else. And now that I'm an adult, I mean, I do take anti-depressants, which is a big help, but I also think accepting who I am in all aspects, really helps too to deal with that depression. So, again, you're talking about how did I feel with that diagnosis? Great, because I had a reason. I had understanding and then I was able to pull that into my whole... I won't say personality, but like my whole understanding of who I was. 

JULIE: And that's so important, isn't it? Understanding yourself finally. Yeah. Yeah. Now, you've had a really multi-faceted life. You've done competitive kickboxing, and coaching, and writing, and your advocate work. How do you see your neurodivergence showing up in the work that you do and your creativity? 

RANDI-LEE: All over the place. I mean just talking to you right now I think that that neurodiversity is what gives me this this fun vibes whenever I have interviews. I mean yes, I often am looking elsewhere because that is one of the big signs with it but it's this energy that I bring that makes me entertaining, I think. And just being able to bring that creativity to like the writing. I can think.. I'm not, I can, I always think outside the box. I don't like living in the box. So, always thinking outside the box and being able to bring really cool stories. Even though I do write a lot about like non-fiction, I share my story a lot in my books. And it still has that twist because I'm looking through the lens of somebody who has lived it and sharing it that way, as opposed to... not necessarily boring because I love, like I took psychology in school. I love all that stuff but it's not as clinical, right? When you're reading someone's story about how they came to figure out who they are. So, being able to put that kind of fun, creative, conversational style into the book, just like what we're doing. I write like you're talking to me. 

JULIE: That's great. That's great. And it's that sense of difference too in your writing style stands out which it makes your writing unique as well, which is brilliant. And tell me about your podcast, The Write Or Die Show. 

RANDI-LEE: Yes. So, I've been doing that now four years. Just like you, very conversational style, which is my favourite. You get the raw real stuff when you do it that way. And I interview other people across the world, as you know, is so much fun. And we talk about their mental health journeys and/or neurodevelopmental journeys. So, anywhere from autism, ADHD to depression, bipolar. Last week I had somebody talked about dyslexia. So all sorts like the whole realm of it all we talk about which is really cool. And it really comes down to what they went through and where they've come, and how they're coping and what strategies really work for them. And I for myself have pulled little bits and stuff. I'm like, "Oh, I never thought of that. Let me try that one." So it's fun. Yeah. 

JULIE: Sharing strategies is really important. And I'll be asking you for one shortly, too. But yeah, the more we can have in our toolbox, the more we can tweak them or adapt them or adopt them or whatever we choose to do. So yeah, just hearing other people's inspirations, really, really good. I'd like to talk to you now about the similarities between autism and ADHD because for many people, especially women, we're diagnosed late because our traits, whether it is ADHD or autism, can overlap or one could outshout the other. Or it could be completely misunderstood. And so I want to chat to you about the similarities that you might notice between the two because I know that you've got a lot to do with ADHD too in your world. 

RANDI-LEE: Yeah. So my daughter actually was diagnosed with ADHD first before they came full circle and said it was autism. And they kept the ADHD diagnosis because they again, often go together. So some of the really big ones, I mean, the sensory processing, organization, right? Organizing the thoughts and the to-do lists.  They're very hard to organize. It's a lot of executive functioning is shared amongst the two of it in certain areas. The time management, emotional regulation, so many of those overlap on the two, which is again why it's so hard to get the right diagnosis because all of those things look so similar. And I'm going to say especially in females because like we said, masking in both again autism, ADHD, masking is huge. And females tend to pick up on that skill without us even realizing we're doing it at a very young age. Because again, a feminine trait is being quiet, is being reserved, is just, you know, you are seen and not heard. Well, ADHD and autism, we get distracted easily. Both can. Or hyperfixated on say the dog in the room. Well, now you're seen and not heard because you're busy petting the dog and you don't even care what everyone else is doing because there is a dog. And so it's perceived as okay, they're just more of a dog person. It's fine. But in all reality, it's I am hyperfocused on this, or I prefer this activity, or this is easier for me to handle than being with this group of people. So a lot of overlap there. 

JULIE: Absolutely. And misdiagnosis too whether it's depression or anxiety or whether as your daughter had experienced, whether ADHD or autism. Which one is it. Now for the ADHD there is a specific assessment tool called the DIVA-5 that's used around the world. Is there a specific autism assessment process? 

RANDI-LEE: I want to say yes but I do not know the name of it off the top of my head. But there is like the same thing, like a checklist of things that they go through and what they're looking for and where you rate on the scale. It just eludes me the name of it at the moment. But yeah, I know for both my daughter and mine and I believe that it they do have two separate ones for adults and children for it. Because again, by the time you've lived with it for as long as us adults you present much differently because you've learned so many different other masking coping strategies. But it's not done in one little appointment. It is and it's very similar where it's an accumulation of time because you need to see the person in different situations. Do they act like this at home and at school and at work and in the public? It's not just one location. So, it's over time and over environments. 

JULIE: Exactly the same as ADHD assessment. Yes. And so, again, you've got to look back into your younger years to give examples of how autism would have been present at that time. Was that easy for you to recall or did you need assistance from school reports or parents or neighbours? 

RANDI-LEE: It was easy because my mom loves telling the stories about some of my freakouts when I was little.  Specifically the McDonald's incident. My brother used to love bringing up the McDonald's incident. And I kept trying to explain to him. So, okay, let me tell you what it was because it's a little bit of a funny story now that I'm an adult. Okay. McDonald's has the little toys that go in the Happy Meals and they have the display case with all of the toys. Okay. I got one of the ones that I already had. So, I asked them if I switch it, which I've done in the past, which they have switched out. So, in my I want to say 5-6 kind of like really young. I only remember this because of what everyone else says. I don't actually remember it. So, I'm very little and now that I know that I have autism, it's all pieces fall together. So, I asked them, "Switch it." They said, "No," they can't. "What do you mean?" "Well, we don't have it." What do you mean?" "We don't have it." "But it's literally right here." And I had a complete meltdown because I could not grasp what they were saying. I can literally see it in the box here. And they also had a line of them up on the shelf. I remember that part. I remember seeing them on the line on the shelf aside from in the actual display case. I'm like, "But it's there. Why can't you switch it? It's there." And they're like, "No, but we can't." "But it's there." Right. And so that's one of the biggest memories I have where it's so very obvious that I wasn't understanding it and yet people were just saying I'm having a temper tantrum. Now that I'm adult, I'm like, well, if they would have just explained to me it's for the display and it's not for the public, I probably would have got it. I mean, yeah, I was little, but even a little kid can understand that, but was but nobody took the time to give me that information. So, that's probably the biggest one that always comes to mind. But, yeah, there was definitely some stories that my mom and family always shared over the years, so it didn't take me too long or hard to find those examples. 

JULIE: We've covered off some similarities between autism and ADHD. I'd like to add to that with a yes or no from you. Rejection sensitivity? 

RANDI-LEE: Yes. So, this is a funny.. I'm going to say funny one only because I feel like it's one that people don't often talk about or often overlook as just being, oh, you're just too sensitive. And it's right in the title, rejection sensitivity. But it's more than just, oh, you're too sensitive. It's literally you just automatically assume a rejection is going to happen. So that you don't necessarily go and ask the question, you don't try and go and do the things you because you automatically think and that's already making you feel bad. Then of course if you were to add in if you had a comorbidity with anxiety or depression, right? Like you just blows it out of the water. And that is a big commonality between the two. Yeah.  

JULIE: I have another one and that is how are you finding sleep? Do you... is sleep issues a thing? 

RANDI-LEE: Sleep. They are more of a thing for my kid than for me. I will admit I love sleep. And so for me, and I've always loved sleep even as like a little kid. It's bedtime. It's like that's it. It's bedtime. A teenager... people you know as teenagers "Oh I'm going to go out all night," whatever I'm like "But it's 10:00. It's bedtime. Like I don't what are you talking about." I am very much in the routine. Bed. Go. However, when I go to bed because I'm oh so exhausted, oh so tired, and then I lay there for another 45 minutes because I can't fall asleep. It's super frustrating. 

JULIE: Indeed, indeed. One more similarity just to you know, to bounce off you and that is, that's the social fatigue? [Oh, yeah.] Do you find that? I mean I personally love socializing but gosh, the energy can really drop off quite quickly and I need time to recover by myself. And it can it can appear as rude or anti-social at times or a little bit weird like a split personality. Because one moment you're upbeat and you're in it and then you need to exit relatively quickly. Your thoughts on that? 

RANDI-LEE: 100% agree with you and definitely experience that. I will say to myself, I'm like "This is too people-ly now. I'm so done with people." That's how I've heard it and it. My family just has come to known over the years. So for instance, I'm all about examples because that's what makes it easier to understand. When I would go to my family functions right, from forever in my whole life and up until even now, say Christmas time. You all get together and you have you know, your five cousins and your six aunts and your whatever, whatever. And it's fun and it's exciting because you're playing and the new stuff and the food and all the things. But like halfway through I'm like "Okay I'm going to go take a nap. I'm done." And even now, my mom knows, you know. You wake up 5. I'm usually the first person up on Christmas. I've even woken my kids up going, "I've been waiting for 2 hours for you to wake up." And by noon, I'm like, "Okay, well, it's time for a nap. I have peopled out. I've done enough. I'm going to go nap now." And so when I started dating my husband and we would go to his family functions and I'm like, "I am so exhausted right now. Like, I've been peopling for 2 hours. Are we done?" And it's not and you're there for another like three, and I'm like "I just... I can't." And so the nice thing is most of like my in-laws house and his grandma and stuff, they always had two living rooms. I always thought that was the fanciest thing because we never had that growing up. So they'd have like their family room and their living room. And so I'd be like, "Oh, I'm just going to go in the other room and see who else is there," knowing no one else is there. And then you could just, ahhhhh. And now you can explain it because you know what your brain needs. You know what your body needs. 

JULIE: I can relate. Can relate. I was going to ask you about what projects you're currently passionate about. What's... 

RANDI-LEE: Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, what I'm working on right now actually is turning... I wanted to do something different. I've written a bunch of books and I'll probably write some more books, but I've always been passionate about film. And when I was little I was going to be a famous actor. Going on people's podcasts are kind of the same thing, right? But so I'm turning one of my books that Goodbye Too Soon, into an indie film. So I'm really excited for this. I've written the first five scenes, at least drafted. I definitely have to go back and add stuff obviously, but the first five scenes are drafted now. And it's about my brother's death by a drug overdose. And it's from, well, it's from my perspective, it's from the sister's perspective and what has to happen. And I think not only is it going to be a fun project for me, but it's such an important message because it's an epidemic out there with drugs and fentanyl. So it's really interesting. My best friend, I, we haven't decided what her title is going to be, but she's doing all the research because I hate research. So, I'm doing the script and she is trying to do the research figuring out, you know, are there certain permits we need for filming in certain locations where we have a university and a college in our area. So, and I know the college has a film program. Maybe they need volunteer hours or something to do with their school. So, we're trying to figure out all those little pieces. And then in the hopefully not too distant future, I'm going to be starting up a Kickstarter to raise the funds to get this movie off the ground. And so everybody should keep their eyes peeled for that. If you follow me on anything, you'll be able to see that. But very excited for this project. 

JULIE: Right. I would like to ask you Randi-Lee, what is a strategy or a tool or a shift of thinking that helps you work with your brain and not against it? So whether it's a mindset, or a routine, or a... well any sort of strategy that supports you? Whether it's managing your energy or focus or emotional health, what is it? Hit me. 

RANDI-LEE: Yes. So many things come to mind but I'm going to say just the routine. So literally having a routine and keeping with it. So, most people will have like a morning routine or an evening routine. When you have autism or ADHD, if something throws that morning routine off, the whole day gets thrown off. So, I try very hard to mitigate things that might influence a change in the morning routine. So, my morning routine, I get up usually about 7 when my alarm goes off and my dogs are then going, "Oh, we have to go pee." They go out, I go to the bathroom, then I make my breakfast. Well, my mom also tends to get up anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30. My mom lives with me. And I try really hard to be like, "Mom, you need to get out of my way because you're going to throw off my routine." And for the most part, she's pretty good because I mean, she raised me. She knows. She doesn't want to mess that up.  But yeah, if something was to mess up that routine of then, okay, now I've made my smoothie. Now I have to get out all of our vitamins and medicines because I put my daughters in her little container. I get out my little container. If something messes that up, I will forget. And I mean medication is one of the most important things. I she can't forget hers, I can't forget mine, right? So it's having that routine and sticking to it and letting the people around you in the house know what that routine is. Like for my daughter, hers is literally written out and posted on the kitchen wall above the coffee maker so that everyone knows exactly what's happening for her. I don't write out mine. I just tell people, "You're in my way. You need to move." 

JULIE: So, what happens? Do you have a plan B in so far as, you know, you need a routine and you're doing your darnedest to stick to it. From time to time, there will be a change, whether it's a phone call or a knock at the door, or an early start for whatever reason. Do you have a strategy for your plan B should your morning routine go sort of belly up? 

RANDI-LEE: Yeah, I want to say yes, but honestly, no. I rely on it so heavily. Now, it does happen 100% that it totally happens sometimes. And in those cases, I try to as soon as possible get back on track. Also, music. Music is a big help because it keeps the brain just in a happier place to begin with. So then you can deal with things as they come up. So finding a great playlist that you love can just bring out your endorphins, which means when something deviates or something is upsetting, you already got some little endorphins going so you can manage it better. 

JULIE: That's really interesting, too, because I think even just the design of tracks or an album or whatever it may be, it's a continuation of something. So, even if you're distracted, the music keeps playing, which is a is a nice sort of parallel of almost pace setting. [That's right. That's right. I need to go back on track again. Yeah.] Anyway, just a sideways thought there. For those who are feeling different but haven't quite got a language for it or can pinpoint exactly what it is, based on your lived experience, what would you want them to hear? 

RANDI-LEE: It's okay to be different. In fact, living outside the box is far more entertaining than living inside the box. I wish somebody would have told me that when I was younger. But on a more serious note, if you really do feel that way, I mean, online assessments are a fun way to get started. So, nobody knows that what you're thinking because often that can be scary to tell somebody, but you can maybe start to get some answers for yourself. And then if it does seem like maybe you might have autism, you might have ADHD, and these assessments are coming back and going, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you do." If you're comfortable with it, you can take the next step and go and talk to a doctor and see about getting a diagnosis. Because I mean, medication can help, might be the route for you, might not be the route for you, but I mean, the only way you're going to know is if you if you try and if you talk to somebody. So I would say first it's totally cool that you are different because that's what make the world go around and makes it much more fun. And then start small, do a little assessment and then go big afterwards when you're comfortable and ready. 

JULIE: Randi-Lee, I just want to say thank you so much for your time and it was lovely to bounce between the ADHD and autism and the similar traits. And I know it's fascinating for many people that have been diagnosed as one or the other and of course those that have the two together. Appreciate your time. 

RANDI-LEE: Thank you so much for having me. [You're welcome.]

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Julie Legg

Host
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Jel Legg

Co-host
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Randi-Lee Bowslaugh

Guest