ADHDifference - ADHD, PUBLIC SPEAKING & THE PURSUIT OF PURPOSE + guest Alex McElroy

Julie Legg is joined by Alex McElroy, an international speaker, pastor, author, and leadership coach whose ADHD diagnosis reshaped the course of his life. After hitting academic rock bottom in college, Alex received a diagnosis that gave him the clarity and tools to rebuild.

Alex uses his platform to inspire others to find purpose in their challenges, harness their unique energy, and structure their lives in ways that work with their neurodivergence, not against it.

Key Points from the Episode:

• Alex’s journey to diagnosis after academic burnout in university
• How medication helped him reclaim focus and graduate successfully
• Reframing ADHD as a strength when paired with purpose
• How he uses calendars, alarms, and note-taking systems to stay on track
• The ongoing challenge of digital distraction and how he sets limits
• Advice for young people with ADHD: get support and don’t be ashamed
• How his ADHD contributes to his passion, energy, and creativity on stage
• A reminder that structure is not limitation, it’s liberation
• Final encouragement to “stay strong, stay in the fight”

Links:

LINKEDIN: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alex-mcelroy-467869b/  

WEBSITE: www.alexrmcelroy.com

Thanks for listening.

• Visit ADHDifference.nz to find past episodes, videos, links, or to say hello!
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• Julie Legg is the author of The Missing Piece: A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing and Living with ADHD

Transcript

JULIE: Welcome to Season 2 of ADHDifference. I'm your host, Julie Legg, ADHD advocate, author of The Missing Piece: A Woman's Guide to Understanding, Diagnosing, and Living with ADHD, and an unapologetic doer of many things. This season, we're turning up the volume with a global lineup of brilliant guests bringing their lived experiences, insights, research, strategies, and resources. And of course, along with a healthy dose of humour and humility. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself or just curious, there's something here for every curious brain. Let's dive in. In today's show, meet Alex McElroy. He's an international and TEDex speaker, pastor, author, and leadership adviser. He's navigated college burnout, depression, and an array of life's challenges. Diagnosed with ADHD in college, Alex says it was a breaking point that led to a breakthrough. Medication brought clarity and the ability to pursue his purpose fully across multiple industries, roles, and platforms. Welcome to the show, Alex. [Thank you. Thank you for having me.] You are an international speaker, a pastor and author among many things. But before all of that, there was a college student hitting the wall. Can you take us back to that time when you realized something deeper was going on for you? 

ALEX: Yeah. So if I... you know, just to frame the story, not to kind of toot my own horn, but I was always a very smart kid. I was always in top level classes.  We call it like Magnet programs and GT, gifted and talented programs, grade school, middle school, high school. So, I was able to achieve a certain level, a relatively high level actually, and I got into one of the best universities in this country, the University of Virginia. And I was pre-med when I first went. So after that first year it was difficult because there was no way to kind of fake the reading or do assignments where you didn't actually spend all the time in the assignments that they were telling you. So the first semester of second year there was some class I was taking, I think some kind of environmental science class and I had developed some bad habits because I didn't know why but I didn't know how to regulate myself to be able to achieve higher. So, I failed that class and with that happening, that affected my GPA and I was put on academic suspension. Well, you know, that wasn't going to fly. At least that couldn't be the end of the story. So, my mom took me to... Now, I had other issues going on at this time. So, I had some anger issues. That's a deeper issue of stuff I've been through. But, she took me to about seven different psychiatrists trying to find the answers. And one was amazing and he kind of gave us what we needed and he made it make sense. So it was really interesting. One of the questions he asked me was about video games. I don't know if you've experienced this or heard about this, but he said, "What kind of video games did you used to like to play when you were growing up?" And I personally, I have a brother, a younger brother, and I always liked Madden and like sports games that were you know, you could do them. I liked Mario Brothers and stuff like that, too, but I didn't have the stamina to stay with it all the time. So, my brother liked the kind of long form, you know, mission level to level games. And when he said it, he said he notices a similarity with people who have ADHD because they don't have the attention span to continue doing those types of games. And my, it was almost like my whole life just made sense in that moment. And so you know, this was kind of relatively towards the beginning of kind of people talking about ADHD. And so this is probably 99 or 2000 when I started taking the medication. It was a game changer. I was able to read... I was able to read full books and full chapters and do all the assignments. And when I got the diagnosis from the doctor, we went back to my school and said, "Hey, you know, it wasn't just academics. This is the reason." And they changed my year-long academic suspension to a six-month medical withdrawal. So, I was only out for a semester. And then, I kind of fought my way back into school. And, I had certain requirements. I had to keep my GPA at a certain level, couldn't get in trouble obviously, and then yeah just maintained that. And so I'm proud to say I did and was able to graduate. And even about 5 years ago I went and got a masters and that was all online so I had to really be able to focus myself. And I was reading because I was pretty aggressive with it. I was reading three to 500 pages a week between two or three or four different classes at times. And so there's no way I could have done that 20 years prior. And so that's kind of the journey of how I got here. And you know, the diagnosis really helped me elevate and make my life successful. 

JULIE: That's amazing. And you mentioned reading being one of the... one of the triggers or the thing that really was pronounced. I guess that's very common, reading struggles and challenges particularly with long academic text and the comprehension of it all. And there's a lot of reading. So I can understand that that definitely would be a pain point and so happy for you that it was picked up. What other changes did you experience other than being able to focus? Were there any other upsides of your treatment? 

ALEX: Just in general keeping my mind more calm, more clear. Just being able to focus on more things and remember more things. That's the other part that kind of goes with this. Sometimes I think you know, you forget things or you start doing something and then you forget what you were doing. Yeah. Just being able to do the multiplicity of things I do now, I don't think would have been possible at least not at an effective level you know, without the medication. So just being able to kind of multitask and compartmentalize certain aspects of my life when I need to so that I can do other things is also part of the change and a very welcome change at that. 

JULIE: Oh that's amazing. Oh, well done. Where are you at now? Now, this is some 25 years later. What's currently firing you up? Something that you're teaching or creating or diving into personally. Tell me what you're up to. 

ALEX: Yeah, so I'm up to a lot of things. I my main job I work for an organization that we work with and disciple student athletes and coaches. It's a global organization, but I'm located in Chicago. I have another job. This is kind of the multitask ADHD brain. I need multiple inputs where I mentor a group of sixth grade, well now seventh grade boys, on the west side of Chicago which is not a really great area and it is very under-resourced. So I'm the program coordinator for them and I also kind of mentor the mentors. And then my speaking business. I speak on leadership, on purpose, and on something called apologetics which I know a lot of people may not know what that is. It's a branch of Christian theology that focuses on evidence for the faith. So yeah, I just did one yesterday morning, but I kind of took a backseat with that the last couple years just because I was so busy with my other jobs, but I would I would like to really get more or get back into that more. So looking for more speaking opportunities, both corporate and nonprofit or non-secular. And so, yeah, just trying to utilize all the different gifts and things I've been able to acquire over the years to the maximum effectiveness. And then on top of that, I got two young girls and I've been coaching both of their teams for flag football and that's an up and coming sport and so it's been fun to do that. But even with that, that's another activity. It's almost like a job, but it's not a job. And so there's just a lot of things always going on. They also both play soccer, so between their schedules, my schedule, my wife, it's just a lot of things going on. And, being able to manage all that is difficult enough already, but definitely without my assistance from the medication, I don't think it would be effective. 

JULIE: Tell me about the Relentless Pursuit of Purpose, your work in that arena. 

ALEX: Yeah, so I started a blog I think 2017 and then right around pandemic time I lost I think three or four speaking engagements within a two-year span. And I know everybody, you know, anybody who had a public facing type of business or industry probably suffered, you know, concert venues, all that type of stuff. And the one thing I need to do what I do is an audience. And so, with that not being there, I started the YouTube channel, Relentless Pursuit of Purpose, where I produce and interview people and produce videos on apologetics primarily, but some other stuff as well. So that kind of grew and it was never my intention to be some kind of a YouTube star and I'm still not, but I just it's grown. It's helping people. It also leads to some speaking engagements as well. That was just a way of... well it wasn't just this but it was a way of staying active because I think one of the hard parts with ADHD and maybe not just that but my biggest battle is in my head. It's not usually out here and if my head, if my mind is unoccupied with productive activity I just... you drift. You start doing nothing or you start doing too many things that are not the right things. So I definitely think that helped me at that time to stay focused on my purpose and to still be actively helping people, actively producing things that help people. So yeah, go check out the YouTube channel. It is something that I had to take also a little bit of a backseat from the last year or so. So I haven't done as many videos this year, but I'm looking to ramp that back up as well. 

JULIE: It's interesting that you have said about the battle with your mind, particularly when you know, almost that boredom creeps in. You need to have a project. You need to work on things. You are juggling so many balls at the moment. What with your mentorship, and your teaching, and your coaching, and your pastor work as well of course. So, has it ever gone the other way where your ADHD has inspired you to take on too much? Have you experienced that or have you got the right balance for you? 

ALEX: Yeah. So, definitely in the past I said yes to way too many things. I think a lot of us struggle with that. Definitely, you know, feeling like, oh, this is something I can do. I have the ability or the skill set to do it. But what you or what I tend to forget is I don't have the time usually. And so, you know, if I say yes to something, I'm gonna do it just because I said yes to it. But I've definitely gotten better in the recent years of not saying yes to too much or to everything. Still, like you said, I have a lot of balls in the air, but being able to manage those and keep everything on track. I use a lot of reminders on my phone, have a lot of ways to kind of short circuit my deficiencies, I guess. 

JULIE: What little tips and tricks work for you? So, yes, let's dig deeper there. 

ALEX: Okay. Yeah. So, on my phone, I take notes a lot of times. So, I sometimes I'll have thoughts that I'm driving in the car or I'm doing something else and have a thought that would be good to share. So I take those notes, keep them in my notepad on my phone and a lot of times those become things that I include in talks. So I'm always kind of thinking and processing and I never know when ideas are going to come to me. So I just try to record them so that I have them because I will forget. And then the other part of that is I think technology has done a lot of things that are not necessarily healthy for us, but there are some good uses for it. And so I set a lot of reminders. For example, if you were to say, "Hey, Alex, call me October 30th at 2 p.m." I will. And it's not because I remembered, it's because my phone remembered. That keeps me on task and not forgetting things. But even smaller things, let's say within your within my job, I have to do a certain report by a certain date. Put a reminder on the date, put a reminder maybe a week before so that I can prepare and know that I have a deadline coming up. I know people use different systems. You know, there's all kind of apps and things like that function the same way. This is just the way that's worked for me. But there's probably 20 to 30, sometimes 40 reminders in my phone every day. And there and they might be small things. It might just be... I don't have it in there anymore, but I used to have one is like take your pill and it was a recurring reminder. There's even stuff like 'pick up kids from school', you know, because I'll get busy and then it's oh wait, I got to go. And then you're in the middle of something and you have to rush and scramble. So, I feel a lot more free and liberated to just focus on the tasks I'm doing because I know that my phone's going to remind me of whatever I need to do or whatever I forgot to do when the time comes. So, if I had to personally remember all that stuff, I forget half of it. And so, because I know that about myself, I just try to mitigate that through the technological resources that we have access to. And that's what allows me to accomplish all the different things and hopefully do them well. 

JULIE: That sounds great. And so for you, it's more of an audio calendar or audio notebook as opposed to writing screeds and screeds of notes. That's really good. And that works for you. And I yeah, I can definitely see that. 

ALEX: Yeah. Because the one thing I learned is if I write it on paper, even in you know, in meetings they give you if we go to conferences you come home with all these papers and you took notes and then what happens typically at least for me once I get home I don't look through it anymore. So I'll still take the notes but then there's certain things that I'll put reminders in my phone because I know that that will remind me. I know that that will... I'll check that. But even the notepad in my phone, it's always there. So, it's a centralized location. Even I take notes on my computer as well and save stuff there. But if I write it in a notepad, I'm not one of the ones who just carries my notepad everywhere I go. And I see people do that and it's great. I just... it just hasn't been the thing that works best for me. 

JULIE: Alex, you're a public speaker and a pastor, so you do a lot of talking as you said to your audiences. Do you have any tips or tricks about collecting your thoughts in your speeches? How do you go about this public speaking really fluidly without, I don't know, do you refer to notes or have you got little cue cards? Have you memorized it all? Do you just speak ad-lib? How does it work for you? 

ALEX: Yeah. So, I do try to script everything because I will forget. But even certain talks that I've done multiple times, it's pretty much memorized. But for example, when I have, let's say, here's one. So I had this typed out, but then as I rehearse it out loud, there's other thoughts that come to me and I put those in the margins or highlight certain things. And that's how I kind of keep things fresh but also stay on track. And when I'm writing it, I try to put it in, you know, let's say there's three main points and then there's sub points after that. So when it starts off, depending on what the talk is about, I might just be typing kind of stream of consciousness thoughts in my computer and then and I now know that, I think you can use AI to correlate that for you. But I'm still old school. So without that, I'll look at okay, this is all the stuff I wrote down. What's the best way to group this information and in a way that's going to make sense to me and to others? That said on the more corporate side I do try to memorize more just to make it a better experience for the audience. One example, the best example I guess is I gave a TED talk a few years ago and those have to be memorized. So I worked a lot, had a coach and a lot of rehearsing, a lot of practicing but yes, I try to memorize as much as possible. The hard part when I do apologetic speaking is there's sometimes a lot of very technical information or long quotes. And I mean if I took a long enough time I could probably memorize them but you know, I try to just mix it up where there's enough on the screen for people to read or take pictures of but also enough time, most of the time where they're listening to me speak my own words. And so I try to do a little bit of a combination, but I think the biggest tip is rehearse. When I used to train some speakers to speak, you know, I knew they had the information, but when you're up there, it seems like you're winging it. And that just means you need a little bit more rehearsal. So let's say I'm giving an hour talk. Now, if it's something I've never done, I I'll rehearse a lot more. But even with stuff I've done, I do full run-throughs. So, you know, me by myself talking out loud in the basement. Because the other part I've learned about myself at least is when I hear myself say something, I have it. It brings up other thoughts or potential questions the audience might have. And then to pre-empt that, I answer the question. And that's usually how it ends up in the side on the margin because it was something that when I was typing I just didn't think of but when I hear myself say it out loud I think, oh wait. This is not going to be clear or I need to add this one other piece of information to what I'm saying. And I tell people that there's two types of nervousness because I still get nervous when I speak. There's a nervous out of respect for your information, respect for your audience, and just wanting to do a good job. And there's nervousness because you haven't prepared. So, the second one can be eliminated with just more preparation. The first one, I don't know. You know, somebody told me when I did my TED talk, one of the other people there said, "You look so calm and you were so good and you spoke so well." And I was like, "Yeah, but you didn't see me backstage when I was sweating through my jacket and jumping up and down and trying to calm my nerves." But it's a really interesting thing that, and this is kind of where I go back to purpose, when you're doing the thing that you're supposed to do, that you're purposed to do, there's this weird sense of calm that comes over you when you do it. I was speaking to a university and it was the whole... I don't know if it was the whole school or one class but it was 1300 students. And you know, talk about nervous again. But once I step on the stage and start talking it all goes away. And it's this really weird thing because I'm also an introvert and so it's a lot of things working against me. But in those moments I feel free, I feel alive, and you know, then when I come off the stage, I want to go hide in the corner again. But, yeah, the preparation will be a benefit to you and to the audience. Somebody... I was reading a book one time and it said how a lot of people get nervous public speaking. But the truth of the matter is the audience is actually rooting for you to be successful because when it's when you're not, it's actually uncomfortable for them too and they don't want that either. So there's fear, but it's really misunderstood fear because you and your audience want you to do well. And if you prepare properly, you probably will. And they probably won't notice the mistakes. I've made mistakes, but no one typically notices except for me. Like something I forgot to say or I said it wrong. And that's usually how it is. So we have we have this feeling that, you know, everybody's going to judge me and everybody's going to pick apart everything I say. But typically in most, especially in my situation, in most cases, if you're being paid to speak, they paid a fee because they wanted to hear you, they're wanting you to win, and they're wanting to get what they think they're going to get from you. And so that's a good situation if we approach it that way. But that kind of fear of the unknown and just fear in general sometimes inhibit us from delivering our best. And I think that's where preparation has really helped me. 

JULIE: Absolutely. I'd like to briefly talk more about finding purpose. Is it possible for everybody and how easy is it, or not? 

ALEX: Yes. I definitely believe it's possible for everybody. And I believe you know, this this might lean into more of the theological side, but I believe your purpose is in you. You just have to figure out what it is so it can come out. But there's actually in my... so we can go both ways because in my TED talk I kind of gave an entrance into how to discover that. And there was three questions that I proposed. Let's see, one of them was "What frustrates you in life?" So often maybe not always but often whatever frustrates you in life is what you were born to solve. And what I mean is I don't mean your little brother frustrates you and you know get rid of, but if you see something in society that you're always questioning, why didn't they do this? Why can't they just do this? Because if they did this, this would fix it. And it keeps not being invented or not happening. A lot of inventions were created that way where somebody saw something and they're like, why isn't there a product that does this? Everybody would need this. Everybody would want this, but no one's thought of it yet because you were supposed to. And so when we when you find those things, don't run from them. Because I think one of the lies that culture tells us is do what makes you happy, which you should to a degree, but not really in the way that I think we're told. So yes, you want to be happy and fulfilled, but a lot of things, especially not just I do, a lot of things a lot of people do are actually hard. And you can wonder why, you know, why don't you do something easier? But if that's the thing that's driving you or if that's the audience or target population that is most in your need of your reaching out to them, you should do that and you'll find purpose in that. And so the places and the people that are not currently being served or addressed, if you have a way to serve them or address them that's not currently being done, I think that's a huge indication I'll say of purpose. One thing I never do personally, I don't ever tell someone their purpose, but I will help people find it. I used to do some consulting and coaching and it's a lot of these type of questions because it it'll often become real once these questions are answered and people start to reformulate or get a different perspective on their life. Partially let's say, I'm an apologist right. When I was in ninth grade I was on the debate team and the reason I was on there is my English teacher said "Hey you speak well, you should look into this." I didn't even know what a debate team was but then I got into it and I liked it. And little did I know decades later that skill set would be necessary for me. So I tell people do homework on yourself, go back. Look, you know, if what... if you know, we're talking about taking notes. What if you were able to have notes on every year of your life or every day of every year of your life and you wrote those things down, you could go back and read them. Most of us don't have that, but you can just think back and think of what were the things I've done that gave me fulfilment. What were the things that I've done that I was good at, that maybe I saw a talent in me that wasn't in other people? And you start to piece all these things together and you can often come out with a singular direction at least that you should focus. Last thing I'll say about purpose is purpose and job are not the same. So I think we conflate those sometimes. My purpose can fit on a lot of different jobs. I for me, I've always for the last 20 years done something connected to working with or empowering youth. The current iteration is with FCA and sports and athletes and coaches. But I've been a youth pastor. I've done juvenile jail stuff. I've done social emotional learning mentoring in schools, and probably some other things I'm forgetting. But my passion and desire to see the next generation be successful is the purpose. And how I manifest that, or how I live that out, can change from job to job. So don't conflate your purpose with your job. But if ideally your purpose should fit within the job you're doing if that makes sense. 

JULIE: It does. It sounds great. Makes a lot of sense. Alex, I've got one more question for you and that is with regards to back to ADHD, for someone who's just discovering that they have ADHD or maybe hitting some major challenges or walls like you did back in your college days, what would you like them to hear?

ALEX: Stay strong, stay in the fight.  If you know that you have it, I would recommend some form of medication. You know, if you really have it, I think it's a game changer. I know some people don't want to take the medication and I understand that. And if that's the case as well, just figure out and find ways to mitigate what's going on in your mind, whether it's putting reminders in your phone or setting up a task list or whatever it is, finding some kind of external help. Whether it's through an app or a psychiatrist or whoever to help you navigate life. Because I think the other part that I didn't have to deal with, but everyone now, especially who has ADHD, does have to deal with is these things. And you know, how repetitive they go off. Emails, texts, Facebook messengers, social media. Now society has kind of put in our face so many more inputs that if it was hard to decipher between five things, now you have 50 that are all running around in your in your brain. So taking social media breaks you know, taking a walk, finding something to do where you're not actively engaged in the activity and allow yourself time to think, allow yourself time to rest. That's one area I'm still getting better at. I don't always sleep great and yeah, I just... that's an area I know I need to keep working on. But rest is very important because it allows your brain to kind of rejuvenate and heal and flush out whatever's in there from the previous day. And those things can also be mitigated by social media because we're up late and you're scrolling and not really looking at anything, but it's still taking time away from your sleep. So finding some kind of app or person that can help hold you accountable so that you can not just learn to live with the ADHD, but also to thrive in spite of it. 

JULIE: Beautiful words to end on that. Thank you so much for your time today, Alex. Lovely to chat. 

ALEX: It was great talking with you and thank you for having me.